Friday, August 21, 2009

Discover How to Deal with Breakup Letters

By Paul Lindquist

Break up letters may no be the best way to handle a separation. The ideal thing is to always handle a break up in person. Make it perfectly clear that your intention is to end your relationship.

You also want to emphasize why, so that when you are face to face with them, you don't lose your grip or your nerve and fumble up the breakup. (Oh yes, this happens too and an unsuccessful breakup can lead to an extremely vague and limbo-like relationship.)

If you lack the heart to do a break up face to face, then break up letters are the next best choice. And by break up letters I mean hand written, not emails or text messages.

If you decide to go with break up letters, there are certain guidelines you should follow. When writing, make sure the letter is clear and to the point, and not too long. Be as clear as you can about why you want to break up.

Politeness, strength and honesty should be the hallmarks of a good breakup letter. While writing, always think about how your partner will feel reading it. Keep it toned down and, despite how you may feel right now, keep your anger and upset feelings out of the letter.

Be sure that your partner gets the break up letter. If you have the nerve, the best thing is for you to deliver it by hand. If you can't do that, send it through a dependable mail service or someone you trust.

If you are the person getting the break up letter, stay calm. Regardless of the contents of the letter, your initial thought is likely to want to call up your partner and yell at them.

DON'T react this way no matter what the situation. Your partner probably has a good excuse for not meeting you in person to announce that they want to separate. Be respectful of that decision. Take a few days to digest what just happened and get your thoughts together.

A quick reaction to breakup letters will only make you seem like you're needy and desperate, which will drive them away. Now I know you didn't ask for the break up and maybe you don't want it. Despite that, you have to be mature and show them that you have things together and you're fine with the situation.

You never know, your partner may be so taken aback by your calm reaction to the break up letter that they might change their mind and try to reconcile. This is why your first response to the letter is critical.

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